Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
