Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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