im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
whose parrot is this?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
