Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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