Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
