Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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