To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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