Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
