You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
