i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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