you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize