Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
