Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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