How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
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You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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