Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
