I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
