he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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