dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
