everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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