Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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