Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
