it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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