checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
