Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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