I think I won the penis lottery.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
