so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
