I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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