Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
