i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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