This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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