I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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