i permit you to call me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
