I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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