some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
