battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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