So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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