If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
