so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
