If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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