Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
