Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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