Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
