absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
