jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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