I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
