I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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