Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Send help, water and tortillas.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
