so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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