Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
