just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
