I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
