headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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