i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
