So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
