Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
