I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
