3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
