I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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