this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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