Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
