i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
