she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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