remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
