Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
