I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
