talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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