Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
