So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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