Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When did angry sex become our thing?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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