Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will pee on everything he values.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
