nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
