All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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