Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize