I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
