Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
