Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
